There are cupcakes in the other room calling my name!

So I've decided that Valentine's Day should really be called Single Awareness Day. Sweetest Day comes in 3rd on my list of most despised "holidays." (Halloween being my #1.) For me all it is is another day to be tempted w/ chocolates, cupcakes, and other delicious criminals. I must stay strong! I must fight! I will not give in!

But they look soooooo good!

*sigh*

Triumphs & Tragedy

Yes, it's been a LITTLE while since my last post. I need to keep up better. I've just been so down lately about everything in the world: wishing I could provide more for my son & be a better example to him, my weight, finances, my job as a coach, my spiritual walk, my age (27 this year!), etc. I think every winter I get the blues & they start going away after stupid Valentine's Day. I was really excited when I went out to my car at 5:30pm & it wasn't completely dark out! That was AMAZING!

Progress? Not so much. I haven't even stepped on a scale in months. I will soon though. Promise.

Triumph #1 was getting on the treadmill the other day for 17 minutes (approximately 2,000 steps - I'm trying to do 10,000 steps a day.)

Triumph #2 (this is a big one for me) I have a hard time coming out of Wal-mart w/o buying any junk food. I was there around 11pm Sunday night and I was just about to leave when I spotted the Valentine's Day candy. (Yes, I hate Valentine's Day, but candy is candy.) I have the Biggest sweet tooth on the planet ... I'm convinced of that. So there I was, tired & crabby (b/c I lost a receipt I needed to take something back) and I was looking at the Hershey Kisses. These weren't just any kisses ... no, these were wrapped in silver and red foil!!!!! Oh they looked so good! I could just taste the milk chocolate on my tongue! W/o thinking, I just grabbed the bag and threw it in my cart. "You deserve this, Natalie." I told myself. I started walking to the check out full speed ahead. I was just going to do it! "That lady just grabbed 3 bags and she's twice your size!!!" But then I though, yeh ... that's probably why she's 2x my size too, huh? So, I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and put the bag down and walked away. I paid for my stuff and left.

I did it! I actually had something in my cart and put it back! It was an accomplishment. Some people will not realize how extremely difficult that was. Some people do it all the time. I rarely am able to say no! I realized 2 things:
#1 - I am capable of saying "no."
#2 - Fat people motivate me. No, seriously! They do. I'm talking the really big people. I look at them & think, that could so easily be me! I love sweets, carbs, and fast food. That right there is the equation for the 700 Club (the 700 pounds club).

Unfortunately, I didn't have a perfect week. I messed up big time today. Burger King before practice and McDonald's after practice. How sad is that? (Does it count for anything that I got bottled water instead of pop though?) I win one battle here & then the next battle I get demolished. *sigh*

Well, I'm back on the ball (the yoga ball) and REALLY want to win the war. There are many battles in the war made up of not just days, but moments. Every baby shower, bridal shower, snack time, meal time, vending machine, whatever it is ... it's a battle. And by George, I want to win!

Christmas Eve Dinner Plans

I'm going to eat at Applebees and you can't stop me!!!

Long Lost Natalie 12.18.06

Did you all think I dropped off the planet? I guess I did for a while. I’m still confused as to what happened, b/c I was doing so well for a while. I had lost 11 pounds and I had a couple victories. But then somewhere in there, I just didn’t care anymore. My life was kinda a mess. My finances are drowning me, my weight climbed back to my original starting point, school was stinky, just … everything was going wrong. I quit on everything. But a few weeks back, I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself if I really wanted to stay like this the rest of my life. If I had said yes, I would have checked myself into the nearest psychiatric ward and that would have been the end of my story. But, thankfully, I said no. I’m picking the ball back up, but I’m starting all over again.

One motivator is the 15 freshman girls that I’m coaching. I don’t think I told you yet – I’m coaching the freshman Kingsford volleyball team. Our first game is tonight, actually, and I have butterflies in my stomach.

So, as I sit here eating my chicken parmesan Weight Watcher meal, keep your prayers coming. Please don’t give up on me! I’m coming back! Don’t wait up though. Keep on going! See you at the finish line!

Wanted: 1 Work-out Buddy!

Basically I’m blaming the fact that I have no one to work out with for my lack of “success” on my weight-loss journey. I haven’t even stepped on the scale in forever b/c I don’t even want to know the truth. I just haven’t cared lately. Well, that’s not entirely true … I care, just not enough??? I’m not sure. But every morning I wake up and tell myself I’m ugly & fat. I look & feel disgusting. But what do I do about it? I go eat a pop tart or something unhealthy like that. Duh, Natalie! What a retard, huh? It’s kinda like that verse in James about the person that sees himself in the mirror & goes on his way doing nothing about it.

So now what? I can’t depend on someone else to help me be successful in my weight loss venture. It’s always nice to have a friend to do things w/ but b/c of the distance I am from most of my friends, it makes it difficult. Mondays I’ve been playing volleyball in the women’s league in Iron Mountain, and sometimes on the weekend I go to Northland & play volleyball, but that’s hard on my parents & the gas gets expensive. *sigh*

I’m so discouraged. I hate looking at myself. I just want to be thin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What happened?

I have no clue what happened. Seriously. I was all motivated to lose a bazillion pounds and then blooey! I just quit. I don't know why or exaclty when. I was doing so well. But then ... I stopped. I don't understand.

So progress ... (many of you have asked & that's one reason I'm getting back ON track. THANK YOU!) I lost 11 total and then gained 2 pounds back. So I'm at a -9 stand still. I really need to get back on the ball (the yoga ball ... ha ha) and get my body moving!!!!

Tonight there's a HUGE party at Annie's house & I think it's going to be a blast. There are a gazillion people coming and I'm sure they're going to have really good food. I need to control myself though.

Thank you to all who have been encouraging me! I start volleyball on Monday night, so once I start that and feel how much weight I'm carrying around and need to lose, maybe I'll start being a true loser again!

Have a grand weekend, ya'll!

Uh oh!

My son Kevin says "Uh-oh!" when something bad happens. It's my turn to say it. I was a bad, bad girl! I have eaten cake, ice cream, Hershey Kisses, and other junk recently. I didn't notice till recently. But the scale told on me! I gained back 2 of my 11 pounds lost. That was discouraging. Yet, I needed that to help me remember that I need to stay focused and accomplish the goal I set out to accomplish. This is 1 battle lost, but I've got to get back on that horse and keep riding! (speaking of riding horses, did you know that you can burn more calories riding a horse than walking at a 3.0 mph rate for the same amount of time????)