A Loser's Journey

There are cupcakes in the other room calling my name!

2007-02-14T10:02:00.000-06:00

So I've decided that Valentine's Day should really be called Single Awareness Day. Sweetest Day comes in 3rd on my list of most despised "holidays." (Halloween being my #1.) For me all it is is another day to be tempted w/ chocolates, cupcakes, and other delicious criminals. I must stay strong! I must fight! I will not give in!

But they look soooooo good!

*sigh*

Triumphs & Tragedy

2007-02-06T20:01:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's been a LITTLE while since my last post. I need to keep up better. I've just been so down lately about everything in the world: wishing I could provide more for my son & be a better example to him, my weight, finances, my job as a coach, my spiritual walk, my age (27 this year!), etc. I think every winter I get the blues & they start going away after stupid Valentine's Day. I was really excited when I went out to my car at 5:30pm & it wasn't completely dark out! That was AMAZING!

Progress? Not so much. I haven't even stepped on a scale in months. I will soon though. Promise.

Triumph #1 was getting on the treadmill the other day for 17 minutes (approximately 2,000 steps - I'm trying to do 10,000 steps a day.)

Triumph #2 (this is a big one for me) I have a hard time coming out of Wal-mart w/o buying any junk food. I was there around 11pm Sunday night and I was just about to leave when I spotted the Valentine's Day candy. (Yes, I hate Valentine's Day, but candy is candy.) I have the Biggest sweet tooth on the planet ... I'm convinced of that. So there I was, tired & crabby (b/c I lost a receipt I needed to take something back) and I was looking at the Hershey Kisses. These weren't just any kisses ... no, these were wrapped in silver and red foil!!!!! Oh they looked so good! I could just taste the milk chocolate on my tongue! W/o thinking, I just grabbed the bag and threw it in my cart. "You deserve this, Natalie." I told myself. I started walking to the check out full speed ahead. I was just going to do it! "That lady just grabbed 3 bags and she's twice your size!!!" But then I though, yeh ... that's probably why she's 2x my size too, huh? So, I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and put the bag down and walked away. I paid for my stuff and left.

I did it! I actually had something in my cart and put it back! It was an accomplishment. Some people will not realize how extremely difficult that was. Some people do it all the time. I rarely am able to say no! I realized 2 things:
#1 - I am capable of saying "no."
#2 - Fat people motivate me. No, seriously! They do. I'm talking the really big people. I look at them & think, that could so easily be me! I love sweets, carbs, and fast food. That right there is the equation for the 700 Club (the 700 pounds club).

Unfortunately, I didn't have a perfect week. I messed up big time today. Burger King before practice and McDonald's after practice. How sad is that? (Does it count for anything that I got bottled water instead of pop though?) I win one battle here & then the next battle I get demolished. *sigh*

Well, I'm back on the ball (the yoga ball) and REALLY want to win the war. There are many battles in the war made up of not just days, but moments. Every baby shower, bridal shower, snack time, meal time, vending machine, whatever it is ... it's a battle. And by George, I want to win!

Christmas Eve Dinner Plans

2006-12-24T00:14:00.000-06:00

I'm going to eat at Applebees and you can't stop me!!!

Long Lost Natalie 12.18.06

2006-12-18T13:24:00.000-06:00

Did you all think I dropped off the planet? I guess I did for a while. I’m still confused as to what happened, b/c I was doing so well for a while. I had lost 11 pounds and I had a couple victories. But then somewhere in there, I just didn’t care anymore. My life was kinda a mess. My finances are drowning me, my weight climbed back to my original starting point, school was stinky, just … everything was going wrong. I quit on everything. But a few weeks back, I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself if I really wanted to stay like this the rest of my life. If I had said yes, I would have checked myself into the nearest psychiatric ward and that would have been the end of my story. But, thankfully, I said no. I’m picking the ball back up, but I’m starting all over again.

One motivator is the 15 freshman girls that I’m coaching. I don’t think I told you yet – I’m coaching the freshman Kingsford volleyball team. Our first game is tonight, actually, and I have butterflies in my stomach.

So, as I sit here eating my chicken parmesan Weight Watcher meal, keep your prayers coming. Please don’t give up on me! I’m coming back! Don’t wait up though. Keep on going! See you at the finish line!

Wanted: 1 Work-out Buddy!

2006-10-17T14:41:00.000-05:00

Basically I’m blaming the fact that I have no one to work out with for my lack of “success” on my weight-loss journey. I haven’t even stepped on the scale in forever b/c I don’t even want to know the truth. I just haven’t cared lately. Well, that’s not entirely true … I care, just not enough??? I’m not sure. But every morning I wake up and tell myself I’m ugly & fat. I look & feel disgusting. But what do I do about it? I go eat a pop tart or something unhealthy like that. Duh, Natalie! What a retard, huh? It’s kinda like that verse in James about the person that sees himself in the mirror & goes on his way doing nothing about it.

So now what? I can’t depend on someone else to help me be successful in my weight loss venture. It’s always nice to have a friend to do things w/ but b/c of the distance I am from most of my friends, it makes it difficult. Mondays I’ve been playing volleyball in the women’s league in Iron Mountain, and sometimes on the weekend I go to Northland & play volleyball, but that’s hard on my parents & the gas gets expensive. *sigh*

I’m so discouraged. I hate looking at myself. I just want to be thin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What happened?

2006-09-29T17:01:00.000-05:00

I have no clue what happened. Seriously. I was all motivated to lose a bazillion pounds and then blooey! I just quit. I don't know why or exaclty when. I was doing so well. But then ... I stopped. I don't understand.

So progress ... (many of you have asked & that's one reason I'm getting back ON track. THANK YOU!) I lost 11 total and then gained 2 pounds back. So I'm at a -9 stand still. I really need to get back on the ball (the yoga ball ... ha ha) and get my body moving!!!!

Tonight there's a HUGE party at Annie's house & I think it's going to be a blast. There are a gazillion people coming and I'm sure they're going to have really good food. I need to control myself though.

Thank you to all who have been encouraging me! I start volleyball on Monday night, so once I start that and feel how much weight I'm carrying around and need to lose, maybe I'll start being a true loser again!

Have a grand weekend, ya'll!

Uh oh!

2006-09-07T18:17:00.000-05:00

My son Kevin says "Uh-oh!" when something bad happens. It's my turn to say it. I was a bad, bad girl! I have eaten cake, ice cream, Hershey Kisses, and other junk recently. I didn't notice till recently. But the scale told on me! I gained back 2 of my 11 pounds lost. That was discouraging. Yet, I needed that to help me remember that I need to stay focused and accomplish the goal I set out to accomplish. This is 1 battle lost, but I've got to get back on that horse and keep riding! (speaking of riding horses, did you know that you can burn more calories riding a horse than walking at a 3.0 mph rate for the same amount of time????)

-11

2006-09-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

11 down, roughly 114 to go!

It's About Time!

2006-08-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes, I know! It's about time I finally post something! I have good news and potentially bad news. I've officially lost my first 10 pounds! I've never lost this much weight in my entire life (aside from having my son Kevin.) However, tomorrow is my birthday & I've been finding every "Free Birthday Dinner" I can find. So ... I'm not PLANNING on being horrible tomorrow, but ... there's potential.

-7 and counting ...

2006-08-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

Only 1072 days & 118 pounds left until I reach my 3-year goal! I began this journey Aug. 1^st and have kept w/ it fairly well (aside from my ice cream binge when I was sick.) I’ve lost 7 pounds so far, which exceeded my 3.4 lb. weight loss per month goal. This is the most weight I’ve ever lost in my life! I don’t look any different, but I do feel a little more energy. I’m not huffing and puffing by the time I get up a flight of stairs.

Mints vs. Gum

I’ve learned some things since I began my journey. One important one for me is that I cannot eat as many mints as I want as if they have no caloric value at all. I bought some mints the other day, Lifesavers Orange Mints, – (super yummy) but I ate about 1/4^th the bag in one sitting. THEN I looked at the nutritional information. There are 60 calories in 4 mints! I ate a lot more than just 4 mints! They’re addicting! Don’t try them!!! So, I guesstimated that I probably consumed over 200 calories! Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if it were a meal, but that was just “breath fresheners”!!!! That’s like using 200+ calories on toothpaste! That would be outrageous! So, I’ve resorted to chewing gum when I need something minty. The next time someone offers me a mint, I should run away! Ha.

I will post ... someday!

2006-08-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

Work has been extremely busy lately, so just wanted to let ya'll know that I'll post just as soon as I get some of my more pressing things accomplished. :) Take care!

SICK!

2006-08-15T17:23:00.000-05:00

I'm sick now, so my eating habits don't count now right???? I've been eating ice cream b/c it feels good on my throat. Seiously!!!

I'm a Loser!!!!

2006-08-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

I'm pleased to inform you all that I've lost 5 pounds so far!!!

Last night I made 3 charts on cool colored poster board. The first one is my favorite - Natalie's Weight Progress Chart. So I got to make another dot on my chart and it went DOWN!!! That was exciting! The second chart is my exercise log. I have columns for "Activity," "Minutes," & "Approx. Calories Burned." The third chart is my daily food log. I'm not going to be writing down everything I eat, but will tally up the total calories, fat, fiber, WW Points, and H2O. Since I'm a visual person, maybe this will help me actually SEE what I've been eating and how much I really exercise.

That's all for now.

My Confession

2006-08-09T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make I ate a 1/2 of a cinammon roll, 4 chicken nuggets, & about 3/4 c of hashbrowns today at brunch! This is why I do not normally go to brunch. I cannot say no to a huge, fluffy, slathered w/ cream cheese frosting cinammon roll! Come on now - if you had been there, you know you would have eaten one as well! It was delicious and I enjoyed every bite.

There. Happy now? I confessed.

Diet Foods are not Equal

2006-08-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

Not all “diet food” is the same. Let me say right now –I L-O-V-E several Weight Watcher (Smart Ones) meals & many Lean Cuisine meals. However, there are some that aren’t worth the calories (and fat and sodium, etc.) For example, I had a Weight Watchers Double Fudge Cake, and I thought it was horrible!!!! (Maybe that’s b/c I just recently had Kim’s cake – see previous post.) But it has 220 calories & 6 grams of fat! It didn’t even taste GOOD! So, I’m not wasting my calories on that any more. On Weight Watchers behalf, their Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sundae is worth it. It only has 3 g. of fat and 170 calories and 3 WW Points, oh, yes, and it tastes really good!

I’ve really enjoyed the South Beach Diet breakfast wraps. They have 15 g. of fiber in them which help me feel full longer. I wish Wal-mart carried more healthy “diet” breakfast items. I’ve only seen a couple choices. Anyone know of any other places around here that carry good breakfast foods that are healthy? I’m super picky. Maybe sometime I’ll post some things I like and don’t like for ya’ll so you can make suggestions.

Lean Cuisine has really done a good job w/ their paninis. They have 4 different ones. Check them out! http://www.leancuisine.com/Products/Search.aspx?Keywords=Panini

Thank you to everyone that has been so supportive of me in this journey.

I Love Chocolate Cake!!!

2006-08-08T16:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. There was something fishy going on with my blog. It seems to be okay now though.

It’s not been over a week since I began this journey. I don’t think I’ve lost any weight yet, but I didn’t gain any either. This is amazing since I ate 2 pieces of cake this weekend!!! I was fairly good over the weekend, but I did go to April & Scott’s wedding (which was soooo lovely, by the way) and the food was delicious! The good news is, I had one serving only of most of the food, and they had fresh fruit that was really really good. I confess that I took 2 pieces of cake (1 cheese cake and 1 wedding cake) but I only ate ½ of each. So you’re wondering where I ate the second piece of cake, are ya? Kim, a lady that goes to my church, makes the best chocolate cake you’ve ever had in your life! (possibly a tie w/ Brad Gaugler’s chocolate cake.) The way I look at it, if I’m going to eat dessert, it’d better be worth the calories & fat! Kim’s & Brad’s cakes are superb, and no matter what diet I may be on, I will always allow for 1 piece!

I’ve done fairly well w/ my eating and drinking water. The exercise part of things has been my struggle. I’m so tired all the time that it’s really hard to get on the treadmill, or lift weights or do my dvd, or what have you. But I know each day is a new day with no mistakes in it.

Attack of the Karoh Nadroj!!! Beware! BEWARE!!!!

2006-08-03T12:49:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention a very important battle won yesterday. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Yesterday late afternoon I went downstairs to speak with someone in registrar’s office. There it was - a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts staring at me. Now, I have never actually eaten a KKD, but knowing my sweet tooth, I can deduce that I could easily eat 3 of them at least!

Walking back up to my office, taking the stairs rather than the elevator I might add, I was glorying in the fact that I had not eaten a KKD. But I was unaware of a tempter more powerful than the temptation itself – Karoh Nadroj!!! There he was, trying to look like he was doing everyone a favor by carrying the box of KKD and offering (really tempting is a better word) them to everyone in our office area. Before he reached my desk, I said, “No, Karoh Nadroj! I cannot even look lest I give in and eat a KKD!” Just a simple “no” did not suffice! He kept on! He then put the box under my nose. This was his second tactic in his mission to entice me w/ the KKD. First he tried using just sight, but when that failed, he tried using smell. I protested!

“No, Karoh Nadroj! I must not! If I even think about KKDs I will gain 5 pounds!”

He began to taunt my Lean Cuisine French Bread Pepperoni pizza (290 calories, 8g. of fat, & 3g. of fiber). Not only was he tormenting me, but he was then tormenting the innocent food thereupon my desk!

At this point, a co-worker of mine, Nnej Rekab, endeavored to rescue me. But alas! Her efforts came to no avail!

It wasn’t till his blessed wife came, that he retreated, not without further tauntings (I don’t think that’s really a word), however.

I was congratulated by a hearty “Hoora!” by Nnej Rekab!

The moral of this story is, if you see a Karoh Nadroj, just say “no!”

Food Log - 08.02.06

2006-08-03T09:05:00.001-05:00

Here are the stats for yesterday:

1547 calories
85.96 g. of protein
56.13 g. of fat

I ended up eating at Burger King w/ Kevin, but instead of getting a Whopper, I got a Tendergrill Chicken Salad. It was super good. Only problem was, I got Ranch dressing and it had 20g. of fat!!!! That one hurt! But I ended up staying w/in my caloric range (about 1500 – 1650.) So, phew! I barely made it!!!

One Battle Won!

2006-08-02T13:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a success! I stuck with my plan. When I got home last night after work, Mom & Dad had taken Kevin with them to the store. I took advantage of this childless moment and changed my clothes and hopped on the treadmill. I walked at a pace between 2.5 - 2.8 mph for 25 minutes. I figured out how many calories I burned (about 156.25 calories) based on the MET (metabolic equivalent) scale. I ate a scrambled egg & cheese tortilla wrap. Next time I will put less cheese in it and reduced fat cheese, which will help lower the fat and calorie content. One thing I noticed about yesterday was I didn't eat enough calories! Wow! That's a first. I only had 1221 calories and 22 WW points. I'm suppose to have between 28-35 pts a day w/ Weight Watchers. So, I probably could have included some more protein and more veggies (since I don't think I ate ANY veggies yesterday.)

Today is going well so far. I ate a South Beach Diet wrap for breakfast and went to brunch only because my mom brought my son Kevin in today. But I was good and ate only fruit and brought some back to the office w/ me to munch on when I'm hungry. I popped a piece of gum in my mouth to keep me from eating my meal too soon.

That's it for now ... keep your prayers comin'!

Food Log (*UPDATED) - 08.01.06

2006-08-01T16:10:00.001-05:00

Breakfast:
1 South Beach Diet breakfast wrap
200 calories
9 g. of fat
15 g. of fiber

A.M. Snack:
1 c. of blueberries
70 calories
1 g. of fat
4 g. of fiber

Lunch:
Swedish Meatballs - Smart Ones (Weight Watchers) 5 WW points
270 calories
5 g. of fat
3g. of fiber

P.M. Snack:
Cookie Dough Dessert - Smart Ones (WW) 3 WW points
170 calories
3 g. of fat
1 g. of fiber

Dinner:
1 tortilla w/ cheese & 2 scrambled eggs & watermelon on the side:
tortilla:
120 calories
2.5 g. of fat
2 g. of fiber

cheese 1/4 c shredded Colby:
110 calories
9 g. of fat

2 eggs:
140 calories
9 g. of fat

watermelon:
51 calories

2nd P.M. Snack:
2 (No Sugar Added) Fudge bars (that's a serving, believe it or not)
90 calories
1.5 g. of fat
4 g. of fiber

Water:
80 oz. as of 4:15pm

I'm not sure what I'm doing for dinner yet. I'll edit & repost tomorrow if I think about it. But so far today I've had:
710 calories
18 g. of fat
23g. of fiber

*Update:
Total calories: 1221
Total fat: 40 g.
Total fiber: 29 g.

Tonight I need to do some kind of exercise. Ask me about it tomorrow to see if I did or not. :)
*Update: I exercised! I did 1 mile on the treadmill (about 25 minutes & about 156.25 calories burned.)

% of Women Overweight or Obese

2006-08-01T13:16:00.000-05:00

This is not a pretty chart, but take a look!

I Want to Be a Loser!

2006-08-01T10:37:00.000-05:00

Ya’ll have probably heard of “The Biggest Loser.” I don’t know if I’ll be the biggest loser, but I want to be a loser … at least, I want to lose this weight I’ve been carrying around for years! I know it’s possible. My dad keeps telling me that there will be some pain, but it can be done. I didn’t gain all this weight overnight and it’s not going to go away overnights.

Today is the first day of a brand new month, and I have a clean slate. I’m starting today with eating correctly.

This blog is going to be my online weight-loss success journal. There will be times that I will fail – I won’t be naïve thinking every day will be a victory, but even if I lose a battle, I can still win the war!

Goals:

Short term

v Start making wise choices with my eating now.

v Cut back BIG TIME on sweets! I have a pretty big sweet tooth that

v Exercise at least 2 times a week for at least 20 minutes (I know that’s not much, but it’s just to get me started.

v Drink lots (at least 80oz.) of water (ice water preferably.)

v Don’t eat after 9pm (again, this is kind of late, but it’s an hour or two earlier than when I’m normally eating

v Eat more veggies.

Long term

v By August 1, 2009, 3 years from now, I want to be 125 pounds lighter.

v Have a regular routine of some kind of daily exercise

v Have a healthy eating plan I can live with

This journey is Lord-willing going to be a 3 year journey. That’s 36 months, approximately 156 weeks, or 1092 days. I won’t be able to post what I eat every single day, but I’ll try to stay on top of it as much as I can. I’ll try to have some kind of weekly tally.

Well … here it goes!!! Ready or not!